the only thing i'm sure of anymore is that tomorrow will come.

i dont know if that means anything really, but if i cant be sure of myself or the circumstances im in, then i can be confident in the promise of tomorrow.
at least that gives me something to bank on.

all the nice things people tell me remind me of the things you don't say.

Rainer Maria Rilke

"Works of art are of an infinite solitude, and no means of approach is so useless as criticism. Only love can touch and hold them and be fair to them."

" Always trust yourself and your own feeling, as opposed to argumentations, discussions, or introductions of that sort; if it turns out that you are wrong, then the natural growth of your inner life will eventually guide you to other insights. Allow your judgments their own silent, undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and within and cannot be forced or hastened."

"Love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you, for those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast. And if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great; be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend."

"It is also good to love: because love is difficult. For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation. That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered around their solitary, anxious, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love."

"We have no reason to harbor any mistrust against our world, for it is not against us. If it has terrors, they are our terrors; if it has abysses, these abysses belong to us; if there are dangers, we must try to love them. And if only we arrange our life in accordance with the principle which tells us that we must always trust in the difficult, then what now appears to us as the most alien will become our most intimate and trusted experience"

"Don't observe yourself too closely. Don't be too quick to draw conclusions from what happens to you; simply let it happen. Otherwise it will be too easy for you to look with blame (that is: morally) at your past, which naturally has a share in everything that now meets you."

"Don't think that the person who is trying to comfort you now lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes give you much pleasure. His life has much trouble and sadness, and remains far behind yours. If it were otherwise, he would never have been able to find those words."

"Let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always."

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

"You have to understand what it's like, taking on a big city: I'm exposed to all sorts of ignorance and criminality. Still, this is the only life for me. I like the way the City makes people think they can do what they want and get away with it."
Jazz, Toni Morrison

live and let live

I'm so sick and tired of having to not be myself, just so I can get people's approval.
And I'm disgusted with the way that the general human population thinks it's okay to criticize and judge others for their choices, words, or actions.

No one, and I mean absolutely no one, has the right to involve themselves in my life unless I let them or ask them to. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but no one can claim superiority over me just because my life isn't like theirs.

Who said that I have to fit your conformist ideal of life? Who said I need to adjust to your preconceived notions of what success is? What's important is that I fit MY ideals and goals, not yours.

So what - I drink. I smoke. I don't go to church.

Send me to hell then. If I cared, I wouldn't do any of it.

I don't believe anymore in what other people say. I don't agree with the way that I've been brainwashed all my life to believe stereotypes. I've pushed people away because of my foolish ignorance and submissiveness to society's imposing ways. I used to be convinced that all people who drank and smoked and who didn't go to college were all failures.

Then I quickly realized that I was the failure for being so judgemental and hateful. I was so full of hate, pushing away the people I loved the most because I felt there was something wrong with them. In essence, there was something wrong with me. Everyone is different. Everyone is programed differently. Not everybody comes out the way that the world expects them to, and that's alright.

The only thing that matters really is happiness. As long as I'm happy with myself, then everyone should be. Just accept me, with my flaws and all.

I may not be the picture perfect saint. I may not always have the brightest ideas, the wisest opinions, or make the smartest actions, but I do try to be a good person - morally.

I work hard. I give my all to everyone. I put up with a lot of crap, and I keep quiet when quiet is necessary. I try to be a good person, offering myself to those who need it or could use it. That's really all that should matter.

Just because I don't pray, doesn't mean I don't have hope. Just because I don't follow a religion doesn't mean I don't have a belief. I wish people would just take a step down from their pedistles, and see the world for what it is, not for what it should be, or for what it isn't.

Just take everything in and accept it. We only have one life to live anyways, so we have to make the most of it.

"She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with an almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you drink because it's there, because it can't hurt, and because what difference does it make?"
-Song of Solomon

i've had an amazing weekend, one of the best that i've had in a while.
i've made some good memories that i know i won't forget. i guess that's what constitutes a good senior year, so you could say i'm definitely living it up.

i've been so stressed out lately, and it was really good for me to get out and have some fun. i can't say it enough, but i really love my friends. they're what helps me stay grounded, simply by being them.

on another note, i just got off the phone with my family in poland, and i'm realizing how much i miss them. i've been trying to distract myself so that i wouldnt have to miss them so much, but deep down i really cant stop thinking about them.

And not to sound sappy or anything, but it's always great talking to them because it's a nice reminder that someone out there loves me, that someone is thinking of me. sometimes i get so caught up in my problems, responsibilities, work and whatever else that i lose sight of what's real, what's important, and who matters. i just lose myself in all of it, but talking to them brings me back, screws my head back on.
i know that above everyone and above everything, they are the ones that sincerely care. they're the ones that love me, and i just have to keep reminding myself of that.




"i've got some issues that nobody can see
and all of these emotions are pouring out of me."
- Kid Cudi, Soundtrack 2 My Life

sometimes i wish i had all the answers.

running on empty - physically, emotionally, mentally.
and somehow i still manage to put a smile on my face.
im in need of a fun weekend and lots of sleep, both of which i will be indulging in.




"i don't see what i can feel. if vision is the only validation then most of my life isn't real."
Sam Sparro, Black and Gold

everybody puts up a front, whether or not they'll admit it, myself included.
im honest as hell, but that doesnt mean that i dont suppress a lot of my sincerest thoughts.
some things are just better left unsaid.

i love my friends.
i cant say that enough.

this year is great because of them.
and when im down, im all better because of them.
so cliche, but so true.

one year passed and i still smile at the thought of you.



i. should. not. feel. this. way.

especially since my sights are totally set somewhere else right now.





"cause i aint got no boyfriend, got no obligation
baby im a single woman, thats my situation"
Flo Rida, Available