Realization

Recently I've come to realize two things: how much I love high school as well as how much I can't wait to leave it. A huge part of me is looking forward to my senior year so I could take on new responsibilities and finally tackle the whole college thing. I've always loves having a sense of independence and responsibilities and next year will finally give me a full taste of that. The problem is that I'll eventually have to grow up, and give up my carelessness and indifference towards things.
I complain that I'm sick of everybody and so ready to meet new people. I say that I'm sick of high school drama and ready for some reality but the fact is that I value all of the teenage craziness going on. It reminds me of how simple my life is, and although I hate that sometimes, I'm thankful for it because I'm free from hardship. I love high school and the community feel that takes place, even though it can be a pain. I'm afraid of losing contact with people after high school, and that's what makes me so not ready to leave, despite my complaints.
I'm the worst with keeping in touch, and I've been trying really hard to make a better effort to stay in touch with people. I'm so scared of losing friends and losing contact with people because I handle those kinds of situations the worst. I'm always curious as to what's going on with people and I know I'll just go crazy if I lose someone and won't be able to talk to them. I'm so scared of that happening and that's the only reason why I want to stay in high school forever.
I guess you can say that the whole feeling is bittersweet. Part of me is so psyched to gain some freedom and independence, but another part of me is so scared to face the consequences of all that.