missed out

Sixteen years is a long time. I've seen and been through a lot, as everybody else. I've changed throughout the course of time both physically and mentally. I'm constantly changing, and it's so disheartening to think about how my family doesn't even know me that well. How could they? With an ocean and some countries separating you, it's pretty hard to establish a strong bond. The love and concern is there, most definitely, but the memories and connections are lacking, thanks to my geographical limitations.
Frankly, I am not satisfied with flying overseas once a year. I've been lucky enough to visit consistently for the past few years, but that's going to end soon. Besides, once a year is just not enough. I feel like I am missing out on so much. I am wasting time that could be spent with the people I love, and instead I'm stuck here.
I guess I sound a little ungrateful, and possibly spoiled for not being content with my fortunate situation of being an American citizen. However, I am very thankful to my parents for giving me the life that I've lived. They went through so much to provide me with a good life, and I realize that I'm lucky to be born American. Still, I don't want to stay here, at least not now. I want to go back to my roots and spend some time indulging in my culture. It's just something that I need so badly to just sort things out. Poland is really the only place where things just seem perfect for me. The only other place that's come pretty darn close to that is new york city, and right now I don't know if I have a future there. I do know that I can make a future in Poland so easily, and I want it desperately.
I hate that I can't spend time with my family and get to know them better. I wish they really knew me more, too. I just wish I had a better tie with them. I feel like the outsider whenever I visit, and I'm sick of that. I want to be a family member, not a temporary guest.
Frustrating is a word that cannot even describe how hard it is to deal with the fact that I can't talk or see them everyday. I'm stuck between two worlds, and I've been missing out on one for so long that I can't bear it anymore. It's time for me to just go.

weird picture of the day

by Liz Robbins.
commuters in Mexico City.



never thought i'd see that

misunderstood ain't gotta be explained

but you don't understand me
so let me explain.


weezy puts it best as always.

i'm so done

with high school.

i cannot wait for the summer so i can just disappear for a month and get everybody out of my hair.

so long vacation

It's been nice knowing you. The late nights and long mornings will be missed, along with the memories from New York.
My only regret this week? I've become hooked on gossip girl. I've spent too much time watching episode after episode, but I guess that isn't too bad because I love the show.
Time to start my homework.

Packing

to go to new york tomorrow.
i seriously can't wait. :)
nyc here i come.

Undecided

I used to know what I want to do in college, but now I have no idea. I've realized that I enjoy so many things, and all to different extents. I've made up a list to organize my interests for college, and maybe it'll help me out in the long run =/.

(NOT in order of preference)

Psychology - I'm really interested in the subject. I like to know how peoples minds work and I don't know if it has anything to do with Psych., but I find autism really interesting. I'd want to study it and possibly work with autistic people. Not sure though.

Languages - Picking up languages is so easy for me, and I love it. I enjoy hearing and speaking new languages. Also, I could pick up a career as a translator or something and be able to travel the world. If not, I could just travel on my own everywhere because of all the languages I'd know.

Communications/Media - I hate journalism class, mostly cause of Donnelly, but I love the end results of the class, like seeing my articles and the whole paper with everyone elses articles. It's nice to have. I also like the idea of video editing, which would fall under the media category. I think it's so much fun, but I doubt I'd be able to ever land a good career in it. It would most likely just be a hobby.

Government - It seems really random of me to consider government, and it's nothing I've ever had an interest in before, but after taking a VHS class in it, I've started to enjoy the subject. I want to get more involved in the government, but I don't know if I'd want to be involved for a career, or just as like as a thing I do in my spare time for the community. I'm really on the fence about it.


Right now, I think I'm leaning a lot towards languages. I really want to learn french and arabic, because that would just be awesome. I also want to travel the world and languages would make that easier for me. Also, I could do charity or work with some crazy peace groups or something across the seas and it would be no problem for me because I'd know major languages of the world. Just thinking about it is gets me excited. :)

Fabulous

AP Practice Exam = no school + free pizza + no homework = :)
David Prouty vs. South High (Tennis) = South High being victorious = :))
Lany Poniedzalek AKA Smingus Dyngus AKA Polish Water Day = :)))

great day full of :).

cant wait

i really can't take it anymore

summer is just too far away.

I always tend to get wrapped up in things and forget about my priorities. That's what happened today. I was having a good time at practice and I guess I lost track of time. I completely forgot that I had an aerobics class to go to (taking it for a gym credit) at 6, and I ended up leaving practice at 6. I bet if it wasn't for Monika's text I wouldn't even have realized that I missed the class either. After practice, I sped home because my dad was yelling about how my mom locked herself out of the house and was waiting for us, so I was freaking out about that. The last thing on my mind was that class, and it just completely slipped my mind. I'm so shocked that I would forget something like that. It just doesn't make sense that I would let that be forgotten. So weird, but it's whatever because I'm allowed one absence and I haven't been enjoying the class anyway. The workouts are boring and they hurt my feet so I'm fine with missing a class.

It's Crazy

hearing about all these seniors getting their acceptances and seeing them slowly end their high school career. It's great that I got a preview of it this year because now I know what to expect, but it's so surreal knowing that I'll be a senior soon myself.
To be honest, I'm a little frightened. I seriously do not want to go through the applications process. I'll be so worried and nervous. I just can't imagine myself going through all of it, and yet the time is nearing where I'll have to.
I'm just so curious as to where I'll go and how much aid I'll have and what I'll do and how I'll manage, and the wonders go on. All I know is that next year will be a hell of a year for me. I can't wait. :)